lipstake: (contemplative)
[personal profile] lipstake
PLAYER INFO:
Name: gogol
Preferred pronoun: hussy pronouns
Preferred means of contact: thremedon on aim and gigl on plurk
Any other characters currently in-game? nope

CHARACTER INFO
Name: Buffly Somers; her adopted title is the Slayster, which moniker she shares with all those who came before her in the line of rainbow drinker dispatchers, and two who came after.
Gender: lady
Source: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Canon point: from a few days after the events of Tabula Rasa, or, as the episode is known on Alternia, Antiquated Text Receptacle Made From Melted Bee Excretions (Here Used As A Standing Metaphor For Willow's Vacant Thinkpan).
Age: 10 sweeps
Colour: #008141
Chumhandle: vascularStrike

History: Into every grubclutch a Slayster is spawned: one troll in all the galactic sphere, a serendipitously selected one. She alone will wield the mangrit and mania to murder the rainbow drinkers, shadow droppers, and the forces of brightness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the Slayster.

Tracing their roots back to a time when adult trolls still roamed Alternia, the Slaysters have defended trollkind from the living dead for thousands of years, ever since the Witnesstablishmentarians Council imbued a hapless wriggler with the mystical power to punch things really hard. The genetic material of that first Slayster cycles around in the mothergrub's endlessly sloshing slurry pouches even to this day, and is presumably the source of all the thousands of potential Slaysters. Yeah no one wants to think too hard about how that works.

The point is, after a long line of nicely sequential troll girls who lived hazardously and expired juvenile, Buffly Somers came along. A flighty broad with an affinity for law enforcement, she never knew the tender care of a Witnesstablishmentarian until she was activated at age eight, just in time for her entrance into mandatory military service. After a few undead-massacreing mishaps aboard the ship she was originally assigned to, culminating in the total destruction of the ship itself and her narrow escape by shuttle with only the corpse of her first Witnesstablishmentarian for company, the Council arranged for her to be stationed at a distant planetary outpost called Sunnystalk.

This ominously named borough was home to more dangers than a fatal surplus of Vitamin D. Assisted by an assortment of loyal cross-caste pals and her new Witnesstablishmentarian, Guyles, Buffly battled rainbow drinkers, forbidden passion, shadow droppers, and the odd less-than-usually-conquered alien-- not to mention any number of mere trolls, who by the power of science threatened to tear apart reality. For Sunnystalk was a hotspot for luminous forces of all kinds: a "total goddamn shitmaw", in the Sufferist patois of the Witnesstablishmentarians Council. So dangerous was nightly living atop the shitmaw that within a season of arrival, Buffly actually died-- though she was revived moments later by judiciously applied CPR.

And did I mention the forbidden passion? In the first sweep of her stint in Sunnydale, Buffly struck up a CONVENTION DEFYING MOIRALLEGIANCE with the bright walker known only as Winged Demon Whose Presence Heralds The Apocalypse, who fifty sweeps earlier had been cursed with the friendship disease, and no longer fed on living trolls unless they were really pissing him off. Or if he'd run out of hairgel for the night and required a little improvised adhesive. At least, that was the case until he and Buffly consummated their pale love by sitting up all night talking about their feelings. At the end of this revelatory experience, he was cured of his plague, and immediately went on rampage in a futile attempt to solidify his relationship with the brave, deadly Slayster by proving how much he needed her and her strong papping hand.

Tragically, it was not with her papping hand that the Slayster eventually ended his reign of glowing nightlight terror. Instead she impaled him and threw his unresisting body into a transdimensional vortex. Shedding a number of single green tears, she moved on, a little older and a little wiser, having learned never again to pursue quadrantmance with the enemy--

WAIT NO WHO ARE WE TRYING TO KID. Winged Demon Whose Very Presence Heralds The Apocalypse returned only perigees later, his disease firmly reattached to his vascular system by the meddling influence of Buffly's best friend and on-and-off auspistice, a powerful mutant-cum-aspiring white scientist named Willow. Buffly and WDWVPHTA proceeded to perpetuate their perverse cross-humous relationship until WDWVPHTA finally tore himself away to start his own spin-off on a little planet called Hopywood.

Even as she pursued this last unsatisfactory venture into WDWVPHTA's fluorescent embrace, Buffly was also tasting the fruit of the bulge. When she died momentarily at the hands and teeth of the Maaaster, another Slayster was activated. That hapless second Slayster, Kendra, died shortly after her introduction-- the inevitable consequence of her olive blood and her viewer-voted-worst-accent, according to internet meta on the subject. (You know what they say: it's always the oliveblood who kicks the bucket-that-contains-their-hope-of-reproducing first.) But when that Slayster died, another was, in turn, compelled to take up the mantle-- a troll who had adopted adult titles despite being Buffly's age, and called herself the Slayster Credence. It was Credence who entered into a quadrantswapping quagmire of a concupiscent relationship with Buffly in the aftermath of WDWVPHTA's return. Buffly's life being the deeply accurate science documentary it was, however, Credence turned evil mere perigees into their tumultuous amour-- accidentally murdering a HIGHBLOOD TROLL and not even submitting herself to be culled afterwards.

As a reward for her social-order-defying behavior she was given a minor post in the local government as thugministrator for Governor Bigsnake, but no conclusions should be drawn about the state of bureaucracy from that: after all, Governor Bigsnake surprisingly turned out to have a big snake for a lusus, which beast he tried to feed all of Sunnystalk to during a military drill. Fortunately, Buffly and Guyles succeeded in blowing him up, along with the complex in which the drill was taking place. They were assisted in this endeavor by the TEAMWORK of all the other innocent-minded troll cadets, who threw off the shackles of their ignorance and superstition in favor of a mascara massacre conducted upon the Governor and all his undead minions. (There was enough make-up to go around.)

Okay some boring stuff happened after that where GOD this fucking app is long. Yes. Buffly relocated to a more extant compound, maintaining her cover as an average footsoldier/citizen by night while gutting corpses by day. Then there was a crossover with Troll X-Files in which Buffly began dating a deviant pacifist who was part of a secret organization for the Kind Treatment Of Aliens And Demons. Obviously, this organization eventually turned out to be evil, and Buffly razed them to the ground by dint of combining her essence with that of Willow, Xander, and Guyles into one gooey superpowered lump of perfectly styled hair. She kept the matesprit, though, only dropping him when he misguidedly sought out rainbow drinkers in an act of foolish benevolence and got accordingly fed on.

Barely anyone noticed, because they were caught up in the drama surrounding the latest newcomer-- Buffly's genetic descendant, Twilit, a six-sweep old who should never have been let out of Alternia's atmosphere but who came to Buffly for protection from a superpowered alien named Glori. (Everyone spent five minutes of the teaser to the episode in which Glori's name is revealed marveling at the barbaric nomenclature used by other species. As Spiike put it: "I mean, what, it woulda killed her to leave the other i?") Glori was hunting Twilit because the snarky wiggler was not actually the result of Buffly's genetic material traveling backwards through time and space: she was the sinister creation of A BUNCH OF MEDDLING CLOWNS, whose designs were uncertain and whose motives were obscured by the fog of Faygo. She was, in fact, a matrix of energy usable in the creation of a wormhole back to Glori's far, far away galaxy, disguised in the form of a troll. Her original nature was visible only to psionics and psychics and other patently unstable folk. Of course, since that describes half of Buffy's core cast, her secret was out fairly shortly, but in the meantime the suspense was murderous.

Other things happened! Buffly's beloved lusus, Mr. Gordo, died of pig cancer, shaking everyone to their core as they faced mortality without the comforting trappings of glow-in-the-dark skin and perfect hair for the first time. And, all too shortly after, Buffly herself sacrificed her life to save Twilit, in what some critics describe as "a mere mechanistic act of resignation to the natural order" and the inevitable consequence of her quadratic ineptitude, but which the fanbase at large found "OH, HELLSA MOVING! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? YOU FRAGRANT SHITHEADS, SHE'S THE EPONYMOUS CHARACTER, HOW IN YOUR FATHOMLESS AND LIGHT-REPELLANT SEA OF IDIOCY DID YOU COME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA TO KILL HER OFF? THAT WAS SARCASM BUT I DON'T KNOW WHICH PART. FUCK YOU, I'M NOT CRYING. THIS IS BLOOD FROM MY EYES AT YOUR FAILURE TO GRASP THE BASIC NARRATIVE IMPERATIVE [rest of monologue indistinct thanks to speaker's attempt to hide his tear ducts with his thumbs]".

But was this the end for Buffly, Slayster of the Rainbow Drinkers?

I tried to find a dramatic phrasing for NO but failed. IT WAS NOT. For Buffly's first and feistiest sidekick, black-eyed Willow of the considerable scientific ability, raised her from the dead-- reconstructing her body and animating its still heart by the power of HANDWAVED PHYSICS WIBBLE and a lot of chanting. Willow, however, never realized that while dead, Buffly had been taken to troll Heaven, where she was meant to exist in a state of perfect and undisturbed happiness, playing video games with the ghost of her pigdad for all eternity. It was from this cornucopia of postmortem bliss that Willow had wrenched her sometime ashen cohort; and, accordingly, on her return Buffly was not grateful but distraught.

Basically this is the point from which I am taking her although there's also a musical and some science amnesia in the intervening period. YEAH!!!! History.

Dang I guess technically I could also talk about Alternia and the galaxy in which it is set like some malevolent eye, but wow, no.

Personality: Peppy, wisecracking, and kind of righteous, except when she's spiraling into depression because her best friend brought her back from the dead. Well, she's still wisecracking, but years of scientifically accurate melodrama have finally taken their toll on the bubbly Buffly. Where once her quips were more or less socially acceptable (always excluding the puns), these days she tends towards gallows humor of the creakiest kind, and approaches apocalypses more lightheartedly than the business of living. In a way, she's come full circle from the nights when she would rather have been casually oppressing aliens with her classmates at Sunnydale's military academy; the 'normal life' that was once her fantasy and refuge has become the grinding equipment around her throatstem. And while she still loves and cares deeply for her array of corpsefighting pals, her considerable reserves of compassion are dwindling in the face of them all being kind of dumb.

In spite of her use of unwise wordplay as a coping mechanism, Buffly takes her serendipity-given job seriously, and believes that what she does makes the galaxy a safer place for trollkind. She's something of a natural leader, albeit one with dictatorial tendencies, and although she is not the sharpest stake in the make-up kit, she has a good head for strategy. On the other hand, by Alternian standards she is softhearted to the point of deviancy, eschewing ordained hemoracism in favor of the kind of vague egalitarian spirit that the Watchers' Council advocates when it's not busy handing out educational pamphlets about chainsaws and then pushing teenaged girls into the fray. She would only ever kill a lowblood if they attacked her moirail first! Or if she had ongoing red/black concupiscent tension with them for like an entire television season. Or both. Alas, after a history of either being abandoned by her pity partners or else putting them in a coma, Buffly is a little vulnerable when it comes to the kinder hemisphere of her love life; she views her own choices with some suspicion, and the combination of apathy to the mortal world and feelings of interpersonal inadequacy is speedily becoming barely-buried self-loathing.

But that should pick right up once she hops her dimension in favor of a videogame full of weird teenagers and opera ghosts.

Abilities & physical limitations: She is super strong and heals speedily. All but the most major and immediately mortal injuries tend to disappear within 24 hours of their being inflicted; internal injuries take longer, but not by much. Buffly is also gifted with a tingly sense for the proximous undead, and her hair dries to ebony perfection a mere fifteen minutes after wetting, as the popular TV critic Troll James Joyce noted in his scathing review of "Designated Culling Girl".

She sometimes has daytime visions of future events while sleeping, but these are exclusively devoted to foreseeing Sunnydale's latest wacky shenanigans and thus won't come up while she's in the game-- not, at least, until her dreamself wakes up on Prospit, thereby ushering in a different and less gruesome set of divinatory powers.

She cannot fly, drive a spaceship, or survive falling from the top of a tower built by people who have had their brains sucked out their ears.

Appearance: LIKE SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR BUT GREY ALL OVER. Also, the proud owner of a pair of stake-shaped candycorn horns, yellow eyes, and fangs. I guess her hair is black too or something? Trolls.

Notable AU differences from canon, if applicable: See history. EVERYONE IS TROLLS. SUNNYDALE IS A LITTLE PLANET NEAR THE OUTER EDGE OF THE GALAXY. LOSERS ABOUND. Wait, no, that's canon. Uh, the Witnesstablishmentarians Council counts itself as a theologically shady offshoot of the Sufferer's followers, and has done so ever since it was discovered that the Sign of the Signless could repel rainbow drinkers-- possibly because they don't like paradoxes, and possibly because the lingeringly unfashionable fumes from the Sufferer's leggings most right are offensive to the living dead's more well-developed tastes. Either way, the Witnesstablishmentarians have latched onto Sufferist doctrine regarding the treatment of one's fellow troll and hope for a better future, although they are more interested in apocryphal accounts of the Dolorosa punching rainbow drinkers in the face during her time in the desert. None of this stops them from exercising judicious intra-organization culling rights, especially where the Slaysters themselves are concerned, of course.

Strife Specibus: makeupkind-- a tube of green lipstick which turns into a stake according to the dictates of Buffly's emotional state.
Prototyping: the Bufflybot's dismembered bust; the resultant sprite is armless, but makes up for it by telling a lot of knock-knock jokes.
Title: Blight of Wight
In-game abilities: extra slay? uh I'll think of something. Maybe she can generate black clouds of KILLING VAPOR or something equally charming.

Planet: The Land of Night and Cemetery, a planet dominated by the kind of pleasant, mossy, suspiciously high-acreage graveyard familiar to anyone who has watched the intro sequence to an episode of Buffy. There is a conspicuous shortage of moldering corpses left out for beasts to gnaw, and definitely no blistering sunshine such as only a Slayster or a stylish white-skinned quaffer of living blood could withstand.

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Buffly Somers

June 2012

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